A Full Heart

"i just love this beautiful world."
rachel allen

i attended rachel's funeral this morning. i wasn't prepared for the sight of her little body lying in the white casket. she was so still and peaceful - angelic even. it was hard to watch ben and anya say their last goodbyes and close the casket. part of me was grateful we got to skip that whole step at the funeral for our family last year. but part of me wished i had that chance to say goodbye.

my cousin, ben, spoke. i can't even fathom how hard that would be but he did an excellent job. we smiled, we laughed, and we cried. it was a sweet and tender remembrance of his little girl. the music was uplifting and inspiring - Families Can Be Together Forever (sung by the little cousins), Consider the Lilies of the Field, Angel Lullaby, and My Heavenly Father Loves Me.

it's interesting that with the few funerals i've attended, i remember sitting, wishing it could go on forever. don't think i'm crazy. obviously i'd prefer a more happy gathering, but i've decided i like funerals. they are special.

there is something spiritual and sacred about celebrating and memorializing someone's life and being reminded and taught again of the plan of salvation. it seems the Spirit is so strong that it's almost tangible. they remind me how short this time on earth really is and that we have to endure only a brief separation.

i came away from the service with a stonger testimony; edified and ready to work harder to do what i know is right.

an added bonus was seeing many people from tucson that i remembered and love. my old young women's president, my favorite primary teacher (almost 20 years ago - just saying that makes cringe. where has the time gone?), and our previous stake president along with many more family friends, some of which traveled a great distance to be with us at this time last year. i grew up in tucson and seeing these familiar faces was wonderful; they all knew and loved my dad.

this evening, i also attended the baby blessing of my newest cousin, journie london farnsworth. that was an equally sacred experience. coming to bless this new little body and her spirit with so many important things to help her throughout her life on earth. i couldn't help but be touched by the sweet miracle that life is, as i held this little girl briefly and watched her sleep. i might have felt the first signs of being baby hungry again - uh oh!

after the blessing and over dessert, i was told a story by my uncle's wife's sister's husband (did you get all that?), about my dad and how my dad had blessed his life as a young man. what a small world this is!

as today progressed, i felt it came full circle. we mourned rachel and blessed journie. i reminisced about my dad with many. my testimony of the plan of salvation, of the importance of families, and of my Savior was greatly strengthened. what an incredible blessing the gospel is in my life.

i have a full heart.