so much has happened in the last few days. tuesday evening we picked up dan and chris is st. george. madison was so excited to see her dad! it had been 3 1/2 weeks since she had seen him. she went right to him and had the biggest grin on her face, it was so sweet. and she has wanted to be by his side ever since.
we picked up chris at the airport next and it was AWESOME to see him again! it almost felt like our family was complete again. he was pretty quiet though and it made us nervous. we headed to cafe rio for dinner and one of the employees said to chris, "so did you just get home from your mission?" and to keep things simple chris said yes. "thats awesome, i bet its good to be home, congrats!" is what the employee responded. chris said, "yep". my heart was ripped in two all over again! he said it had been happening all day. on the drive home chris admitted that in the back of his mind he had been hoping my dad and dallin were going to be at the airport to pick him up. watching the people i love suffering makes this so much harder!
wednesday we headed to the cemetary to pick out burial plots. after looking at the map and driving around we ended up at an area in the cemetary that was relatively new. it looked pretty empty and the trees are still pretty small and i have to admit i wasn't very impressed. we walked around for a minute and my mom stopped to look at the view. she noticed that we could see our cabin from where she was standing. it is up in cedar highlands, and we could just see the roof, but it was definitely there. my parents built their cabin a couple years ago and it is beautiful. they planned it together from the ground up and every part of it reflects them. it's a place of refuge and relaxation and a favorite place of our family. as we had a family prayer, we felt the Spirit so strongly and knew that we were in the right spot to bury my dad and brother. they both loved going to the cabin!
we actually got a chance to run up to the cabin yesterday with hannah, chris, dan and i. we sat around in the great room and it was perfect. it felt like everything was ok, and that dallin and my dad weren't gone. we sat and talked about them and what we might like to share at the funeral. it was really quick but very refreshing.
later that evening we went and watched my sister's cross country race. we are surviving on little sleep and a lot of stress but she still did awesome! she took third overall. it was great to get out and enjoy "normal life".
last, but definitely not least, was val imlay's visitation. she worked with my dad from the beginning and was a very dear friend of my parent's. it was beautiful - the music, flowers, display table, everything. it's great to visit with their family because my parent's love mark and val and vice versa, plus we can understand exactly what the other is going through. but it was weird; i felt numb, no emotions at all. i don't know if thats how i'll feel when it's my dad and brother in caskets but it was strange. maybe my eyes have dried up. :)
all in all we have been very busy. i never knew funerals were so much work, and we are trying to do two. but things are coming together and the good moments seem to becoming more frequently.
8/28/2008
One Day At A Time
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13 comments:
I am so glad you have started to feel some peace. You are so strong. It seriously is so amazing and inspiring to me!
marie! you are such an amazing person! i am so sad i wont be able to attend the funerals... i really hope and pray that it will be a good thing for your family to attempt to say goodbye for now.. you really are a hero in my book for how you are handleing this and styaing so strong i look up to you in so many ways.
Marie,
Thanks so much for posting all this. I haven't been able to stop thinking about all of you and I'm glad to hear you have at least had some feelings of peace. We're keeping you in our prayers!
Marie,
Thank you for letting us be apart of this with you. Your strength, faith, and determination is such an ispiration. I am so sorry you had to go through this but watching your spirit shine has been a transformational experience. Thank you.
Marie,
You are such a strong person... it is hard for me to know the right words to say... but just know that we all love you and your family, i think about you guys daily... I am very sorry for this hardship.
Jenny Wilson
Marie,
I am so sorry to hear about what happened. You are truely amazing and I am sure you are such a strength to your family. I am so glad that you are having good moments more often. We are thinking of you and your family.
Tamra
Marie, I am Nicci Woffinden's mom. I went to Jr.High and High School with your wonderful mother. I am sorry to write on your blog, but wanted to tell you that your family is in our prayers. We live in Tokyo, so just heard about it. Give your mom my love. I will write later to her personally. You are such an example of love and hope to all. Memri (Heywood)Skouson
I love your blogs. Thanks for keeping us all updated. It's amazing the impact this event has had on so many people. Just goes to show what incredible people Dallin and your dad and the other victims were.
As always, you are amazing and I love you! I'll be calling you soon.
Hi Marie, (I apologize for the long post, but I don't have your emails!) I don't know if you remember me, but it's Jen Bird (now Cooper :) from freshman ward. I am so sorry for your loss. Cortney Broadbent and Kristina Tree both have sent me messages on blogs/facebook about your loss because I have experienced almost the exact same thing as you are now. My heart is so very heavy for you right now as I think about the pain you are suffering, and as memories of my dad's death come flooding back. My dad and his friend, died in a plane crash 3 1/2 years ago flying home to WA from Utah. It was completely unexpected. My dad and his friend were the best pilots, but to make a long story short, all the circumstances surrounding their death gave me the comfort I needed to know that it was simply their time, that the Lord needed them, and that he knew we could handle it! It's such a terrible whirlwind of grief, then joy because of the knowledge of the gospel and seeing them again and knowing they are happy and all right, then intense grief again because they are just, gone. I had a lot of desperate panicked moments when it would hit me that he was really gone and there was nothing I could do to get him back, then I would get this amazing comforting feeling that would wash over me and I know that it was Heavenly Father telling me that everything would be alright. I wanted to feel just so terrible and depressed after it happened, but it's like the Lord wouldn't let me sink that low. I literally felt like I was being carried. I don't mean to talk all about me, I just want to say that although nobody really knows the right thing to say to someone dealing with such a tragic loss, just know that frankly it just really sucks for a while and it's ok that it does. It might be a few weeks or even whole year before you really feel like you are starting to heal. But every day you get under your foot is an achievement and one day you can suddenly talk about it all without crying. You know what, my dad's dad (my grandpa) died when my dad was on his mission, except he wasn't able to come home for the funeral. He always had a hard time with it, and when he died we were all so happy for him to be with his dad again. I can imagine the pain all of you and your brother who just got home from his mission are going through, especially since he hasn't seen them for 2 years. Also, your poor sister in law. I can’t imagine that desperate sense of loss at losing her husband, especially right before their baby is due. We are not strangers to those stories since my husband is in the army. Many husbands here and around the world are gone for a year or so from their families, some wives are pregnant, some husbands come back and some don’t. It’s so sad. My heart goes out to her especially during this difficult time. It's weird adjusting to a new normal after everything changes so abruptly. Somehow God fills in the holes, and although I don't think you ever heal 100% because there is always a scar when you get cut that deep, but you do heal enough to feel whole again. I don't know why Heavenly Father decided to take all these wonderful people at once, but he is in charge so there must be something important going on. There was a plane crash in Blanding, Utah a few weeks back that killed 3 men, all with families, one with 4 very little children, (my new brother in law is from there and knew all of them) and it just doesn't seem fair. It never seems fair. I just keep reminding myself that the Lord promised ME and EVERYONE else in this life that all of our losses will be made up to us after this life. All those people will be given back to us! I always wished that all of us in my family would just go at the same time, then none of us would have to suffer! Obviously that wish is out so I continue in my hope for the resurrection and that someday I will see him and others I have and unfortunately will lose along the way. Thank goodness we have the gospel. Without it I would be so terribly lost, and with it I am so wonderfully happy and hopeful and no longer mourning my loss but looking forward to seeing my family again. This is all probably more than you wanted to hear right now, but I hope something in all of it was helpful. I am praying for your family during this difficult time and I hope that you all will come to feel of the Saviors comfort and great love for you and your family as I have. My mom always says, “don't worry, HE is in charge. He knows exactly what is going on”…I wish he would warn me way in advance next time ;) Even though I wish it all never happened, I wouldn’t take back the experience of it all, what I learned, and how much closer I was able to draw to the Savior. I can’t tell you how many people I know who have lost their dad this year and I have been able to empathize with them. It’s been an incredible experience. Granted, I have not lost a brother or a husband at the same time, but I do know the pain of great loss and the indescribable ability to heal afterwards. Best wishes to all of you.
marie-email me so i can invite you to our family's blog pcummard@msn.com
kanoe
I just want you both to know you are in our thoughts and prayers! You are an amazing person- I can tell by the way you write. We love you all and hope everything goes well.
Heath and Cedar:)
Marie you are so amazing! I am sad that I couldn't make it to the funeral, but I have heard how great it was! You are so strong and I really look up to you!
Daniel and Marie...This is Shelley Jones(Dan's cousins) just wanted you to know that we are thinking of you in this most difficult of times. We were actually in the Houston airport when we saw the breaking news of the accident and were so saddened to hear it was your family. We are blessed with the gospel to strengthen us...I know that you will miss them..but I know that they are not far. Our love and prayers are with you!
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