tonight i asked why?
i couldn't get it out of my head.
why us?
why kamber?
why porter?
what are we supposed to learn from this?
and why?
kamber and porter came with us to our ward christmas party and we were eating dinner/chasing three wiggly kids when poor little porter had an upset stomach all over the floor, table, diaper bag, and kamber. never a fun thing to deal with, let alone in a public setting. we got things in order, cleaned up, and helped kamber get ready to go home with porter. as she drove away i felt overwhelmingly sad - for her and us. she should be attending a ward christmas party with dallin somewhere across the country, in medical school, not driving home to an empty house, with a sick little boy to take care of all alone! *its the holiday season bringing it out in me, sorry.* after a few hours of feeling unsettled, frustrated and sorry for us, something happened.
i randomly checked my friend's blog. for the first time in seven months it was updated - a quick, simple list of the things that have happened since their last post. one of those things was christine recording some of her hymn arrangements. included was a link to her music.
christine was one of dallin's best friends and she played "if you could hie to kolob" at the funeral last year, one of his favorite songs.
so tonight i listened to her play it. over and over and over. it's still on right now. i cried and then smiled and then felt peaceful.
another tender mercy - i am grateful.
the timing of this experience was not a coincidence, but an answer to prayers.
what am i supposed to learn from this?
patience
long suffering
obedience
and faith.
He knows better than me-
so the why doesn't really matter.
i couldn't get it out of my head.
why us?
why kamber?
why porter?
what are we supposed to learn from this?
and why?
kamber and porter came with us to our ward christmas party and we were eating dinner/chasing three wiggly kids when poor little porter had an upset stomach all over the floor, table, diaper bag, and kamber. never a fun thing to deal with, let alone in a public setting. we got things in order, cleaned up, and helped kamber get ready to go home with porter. as she drove away i felt overwhelmingly sad - for her and us. she should be attending a ward christmas party with dallin somewhere across the country, in medical school, not driving home to an empty house, with a sick little boy to take care of all alone! *its the holiday season bringing it out in me, sorry.* after a few hours of feeling unsettled, frustrated and sorry for us, something happened.
i randomly checked my friend's blog. for the first time in seven months it was updated - a quick, simple list of the things that have happened since their last post. one of those things was christine recording some of her hymn arrangements. included was a link to her music.
christine was one of dallin's best friends and she played "if you could hie to kolob" at the funeral last year, one of his favorite songs.
so tonight i listened to her play it. over and over and over. it's still on right now. i cried and then smiled and then felt peaceful.
another tender mercy - i am grateful.
the timing of this experience was not a coincidence, but an answer to prayers.
what am i supposed to learn from this?
patience
long suffering
obedience
and faith.
He knows better than me-
so the why doesn't really matter.
5 comments:
I'm so sorry.
Kamber has so much to deal with. When I handle my boys alone for a while I wonder how single moms do it. The Lord is helping her, but it's still lonely and difficult, I'm sure. Know that we care about your family and pray for more tender mercies to be placed in your paths.
Merry Christmas.
Marie,
Thank you for this post. I have no idea how hard it must be to go through it, but when you describe it it gives me hope. All night I was struggling with what to do for my friend whos mother passed away a couple of days ago... I am going to give her Christine's CD. Thank you.
You don't ever have to apologize for feeling down about all this! I am so impressed with how well you and Kamber and all of your family handles everything and I've thought about you all lots this holiday season.
I have the cd and she played Be still my soul for my baby Dane's funeral. I'm glad she has such talent to share and it's helped you. Thanks for the post, it's something I have to remember in my why? moments too. God really does love us even though we have HARD things to go through!
Marie your strong spirit continues to strengthen and amaze me!!! My heart is with you at this time and I TRULY know as do you that the Lord love you and is SO aware of you!!!
Merry Christmas!!
Love,
Harmoni
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