My Nephew

this is a special little boy.

he brings a smile to everyone's face and i experience a happiness that i can't explain. for a long time it made me really sad to think about porter and how he's going through this life without his dad by his side. but it's been wonderfully theraputic to see him just about everyday. he's helping me heal in a way i hadn't expected. having regret is a hard thing and i have found that as much as i've tried to dispell it, it's remained very prevalent. but when i'm with porter, i feel like i'm making it up to dallin and that those things i regret- teasing and not being the sister i should have been and the sister i now wish i had been - are being appeased.

despite my probably typical but inappropriate teenage behavior, dallin and i did became close friends. he was one of my best friends. he called me one day, while kamber and i were both pregnant with porter and grace, concerned about how we were going to make sure our kids knew their cousins since it looked likely the four of us siblings would be spread out. i brushed him off, laughing and teasing him that he was jumping the gun. of course we would make sure our kids were close, is what i was thinking, but surely we didn't need to worry about it then. i am grateful for that conversation {tender mercy} and that now, what dallin wanted, is truly happening.