Time Is A Crazy Thing

grace turns 2 next week. next week! i honestly can't believe it. how has this happened? where has the time gone?  i swear we were just bringing her home from the hospital last month.  she's turned into a full-fledged, bustling little girl with a huge personality and enough sass and independence for someone twice her age.  she keeps us on our toes and makes me laugh on a daily basis.  she is sweet, tender, polite, and so much fun.

i can't stop thinking.
(beware this might be a jumbled mess.)
 
i was rearranging the girl's closet yesterday and found a little bin of things i tucked away from when madison was born = her little white shirt, the pink and blue striped cap, a tiny newborn diaper (how could she ever have been that little?), and the goggles she wore in the hospital for when she was in the bili light.  i showed her the treasures i kept to remind me of when she first joined our family and told her about when i held her for the first time. she was enthralled and recounted the rest of the story back to me - she loves it and has it memorized. i feel like madison came home from the hospital just last month also.

when i think about everything that has happened since i became a mom, i'm in awe.  i never expected how significantly i would be stretched and strengthened and in turn, grow.  i always knew all i wanted to be was a mom, but i didn't realize how complete it would make me feel.

i underestimated how much i would worry, how much work it would be, and how tired i would feel.  but i also underestimated the joy i would feel and how that makes everything else worth it.

when madison was still a newborn, just leaving the house was an ordeal.  planning around feedings and naps and loading the car seat and packing the diaper bag with 500 things "just in case" made play dates, let alone errands, a daunting task.  i used to think, how do people have more than one kid? how is there time in the day for everything that needs to happen?

fast forward to the present. last week consisted of a presidency meeting, mutual, teaching preschool, making cookies to deliver, a throwing up child for 48 hours, my first batch of homemade bread using wheat i ground myself, and a pediatric ophthalmology appt for madi.

this week makes me tired just thinking about it - missionaries and investigators over for dinner, dr's appt, discussion with investigator, bishopric meetings, lunch for visiting teaching, mutual, stake auxillary training, dan in st. louis for the weekend, ward party (just me and the girl's), teach on sunday.... this is without the regular things like cooking, cleaning, and sleeping. no wonder i feel behind.

sometimes i measure my success based on my to do list - what have i scratched off today? its easy to be caught up in all the things going on around us.  because of this, i'm finding it more and more necessary to make conscious choices to be available and engaged in what my family is doing.

i need to make to do lists that says things more like:
sit on the floor and read 10 books
make eggs in a nest with play-do
blow bubbles
make a fort
tell stories
have a picnic lunch
giggle

simple things make my girls the most happy and those are the easiest to do.

i need to do better because it seems like i'm running out of time. kindergarten feels just around the corner (ok, a little less than two years away, but still) and my baby will two. my girls are growing up right before my eyes.  i just want to push pause.

time is a crazy thing.