Just A Letter

Dear Dad,

it's father's day today. i wish you were here so i could tell you, in person, how grateful i am for you, what an impact you've made in my life, and how much i love you.  i wish you were here so i could ask your advice and tell you how proud i am of dan. but mostly, i wish i could tell you about my little girls. they recognize you in pictures and call you and dallin by name.  madison knows you're in "heaven with Jesus" and that has given me opportunities to have conversations with her about the church and the plan of salvation. teaching opportunities. but she's still young to understand it all. she picked a dandelion at the cemetery on memorial day and i told her she could put it by your headstone. she asked if you would get it when you come home. we're still trying to make the best of it.   

madison and grace were so funny at church today. they both wanted to sit in the corner of the pew, then on dan's lap, and then with me. it was like musical chairs. and of course the whole time, neither one wanted the other one next to her. that made sacrament meeting interesting. and sweet little grace- she loves taking the sacrament.  she scoped out the deacons and anticipated their arrival at our bench with shaking arms while yelling. "bread! bread!" followed with her sinister giggle that makes us laugh every time. then she dumped half the water down the front of her dress, trying to drink it, and our goal was to keep her from dripping the other half into the remaining cups on the tray as she threw it back in.  you'd have a hard time not smiling at her from the stand. i like to think that maybe you spent time with her before she joined our family here on earth. but we don't know how that all works up there - we'll just have to see for ourselves one day.

madison has become quite the swimmer. {and don't worry, she's always lathered up in sunscreen!} she loves diving for rings and swims all around the pool with just the help of a noodle. she even "dove"off the diving board during swimming lessons. grace is much more cautious and enjoys sitting on the top step or being on someone's hip the best. remember a few years ago when hannah and mom were visiting us in AZ and while we were swimming at farnsworths you walked in the back gate and surprised us? you drove all the way down by yourself to surprise us, for a quick 24 hour visit, to see your little grand-daughter.  it was so unlike you.

it was surprising to see how quickly you embraced the role of grandpa.  it seemed to come naturally and madison took to you right away. you were her favorite. we all laughed when you'd come home from work and say, "where's baby?", the first second you walked in the door. and that last week in cedar before the crash, you took madison on walks through the neighborhood, visiting people in the ward. those eighteen months you had with madison were special. while hannah, chris, and dallin never got to see you with their own children, they were able to see what it would have been like with their own kids. what it still can be like.

i miss you. so much. but i know you want us to keep going - keep working hard and staying true to what we believe. you were an example of that, as well as dallin. i hope that even though you're not here with us, you know how much we love you. i could not have asked for a better dad.

happy fathers day.

love, marie    

As Of Late

so much to do. so little time. just bullets for now.

-we're roughing it these last couple nights with paper goods and sleeping on the couch since our bed is taken apart and the kitchen is packed.
-happy hour at sonic is what gets us through the hot afternoons.
-i could have been spotted these last couple of weeks, staked out in my in-laws driveway during the late hours of the night, using their internet signal for the bajillion things i was trying finish up.
-my imitation cookie monster voice has a spanish accent and i can't help it. random. but i noticed today as i read madison her book.
-madison asks me every single morning, "are we driving to missouri today, mama?"
-i LOVE when she calls me mama.
-despite being told over and over that we're taking everything to missouri with us, madison likes to double check. "can we take my toothbrush with us to missouri?" "i found your hair tie on the ground. can we take it too? what about this bobby pin?".
-grace has been pretty distressed between everything of hers being boxed up, getting very little sleep, and a stressed out mom. poor girl.
-my sister in-laws have come to my rescue over and over-watching the girls, helping me run around doing errands, packing, and even climbing up in the mcdonald's playgound. that last one is a big deal because i find mcdonald's playgrounds both claustrophobic and nasty.
-i feel so much pressure to cram in as much game playing as possible since it might be awhile before we find friends that like game playing as much as we {I} do.
-i also have a list of things/places i want to eat before we leave. i have to keep reminding myself we WILL be coming back {bahama bucks, nielson's, tia rosas, sweet cakes... just to name a few}.
-i'm just realizing how much stuff you can cram into a 1200 sq ft apartment. WAY TOO MUCH.
-and moving has left me wondering if/what kind of impact i've made with my young women. do they know how much i love them? how much i prayed for them? do they know i have a testimony? things to ponder...

now, back to packing. thanks for the break. 

{please excuse all typos on sleep deprivation.} :)

Too Much Fun

we have a lot going on these days and my To Do list is a mile long and proves it. hence, the lack of blogging. actually, not having internet anymore is probably whats most responsible for that.

we made it home, safe and sound, from mexico {turns out the claims from the US consulate were unsubstantiated – though it made me a little nervous}and headed straight up to utah for memorial day weekend and chris’s homecoming. it was wonderful. everyone needs a good dose of cedar city every once in a while. it does a body good.  

now we’re back to real life which consists of unpacking luggage, packing boxes, and loads and loads of laundry. our moving date is fast approaching. in two weeks time we will be moved out, apartment cleaned, and living at the skinners for one final week in AZ while our stuff is being driven across the country.  three weeks from tomorrow we sign the final papers and move into our new house.  it’s kind of surreal to think about.

change is in the air. it’s tangible. so much to do, so much to get ready, so many to say goodbye too.  it’s almost overwhelming.  but then the excitement kicks in and makes me feel ready for this new adventure. 

so for the next few weeks, count me out. we’re busy having too much fun.

and that’s an understatement. :)

{favorite shot from mexico}

Bogus

az passed a new immigration bill recently and there's been some drama.
{i could give you my opinion, but that's beside the point.}
apparently the US consulate in nogales issued a travel warning, today, for those heading to rocky point.
{thank you for the heads up lindsay!!}

which is where we are right now!!

something about fake police checkpoints.
read about it here.

luckily, we were already planning on driving home during the morning hours, later this week.
and we don't foresee having any problems.

 *fingers crossed*

wish us luck!

300th Post

 {6:30 am this morning - puerto penasco, mexico}

we made it safely to mexico.

and it's good to be here.

we're taking advantage of every minute since it'll be three long years before we come back.

church was in spanish, but good nonetheless.

now it's time for quesadillas,

naps,

and games.

we're enjoying ourselves.

and chris.

**300 posts... does that mean i can call myself a blogger?

Almost Home

{ elder ellsworth, hard at work}

 
my mom and mark are in japan right now with elder ellsworth. i'm a little jealous but since i don't know how to eat with chopsticks and can't handle seafood so it's probably for the best.  in four days he'll be here in az - to meet his niece and nephew for the first time, grace and porter. i hope chris will be able to see some of dallin in porter, when his face lights up and he cracks that big smile.  and i hope porter will grow to see some of dallin and my dad, in chris.  

we've felt the blessings of having a full time missionary in the family for the past two years. it will be hard to go without. they are real. i have witnessed them.

i'll miss madison praying for him in "pajan" though i guess it's about time we teach her the right way to say it {i thought it was too cute to correct her this whole time}.  i'll miss the weekly letters where i'd tell chris the funny things the girls did and what dan and i were trying to accomplish. i'll miss the stories, the experiences, and the investigators. his insight came at much needed times, and his perspective, well beyond his years, buoyed me up.

elder ellsworth is that one who said "our souls have an endless capacity to love". what great timing he had- in a period of hard transitions, that statement made perfect and complete sense and brought me peaceful acceptance.

 to say i'm nervous for him to come home would be quite an understatement. he's returning to everything so completely different than when he left.  the same family, but some are gone and some are new. even macy is different and limps quite badly. but it will all work out.

i'm going to worry about chris. i'm his big sister so its my job. but even though this is going to be a huge transition for him, in more ways than even i can imagine, he'll do it. and i'm excited to be on the sideline cheering him on. learning from him - from his perspective and attitude and willingness to press on.

mostly, i'm just excited to have one of my brothers back. close to home. safe and sound.  the next chapter in our new normal. 

Easter 2010

 {easter morning at g&g skinner's}

i know we're out of order,

but it feels like easter was just last week.

time is flying these days.

{mesa easter pageant}

{tired-eyed girls on easter morning}

{decorating eggs between general conference sessions - love grace's little hand trying to sneak an egg}

{easter egg hunt at g&g lebaron's- grace loved squeezing them till they broke}

{madison counting her eggs to make sure she still had them all.}

TGIF

we all need a little more sleep around here.

Hidden Pictures

today i deleted all my half drafted posts that i've been meaning to finish one day. i feel so much better!  most were stories i never finished, feelings i decided not to publish on the world wide web, or posts just waiting for pictures to be added.  this one just had pictures and it whisked me back to last spring in cedar city.  it was a hard but healing time, filled with lots of fun and good reasons for celebrating. so i'm posting. even if it's 11 1/2 months outdated. i can't believe how much porter and grace have grown!!

Siblings

{august 2003 - taken by StudioWest}

have i mentioned how excited i am for elder ellsworth to come home, next week? 

CAN'T WAIT!!

there's just nothing quite like family.